Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he thought i was a dude.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
