guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
