hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
