i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
