Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
honey bunches of taint.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
