I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
