i think my mom watched the whole time
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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