did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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