goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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