his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
