I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
