Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
