yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
