My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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