If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
