Got a toothbrush?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
