youre lurking in front of me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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