So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish you could order shots online.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
