guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
