Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
