I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
