does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
