i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
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