he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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