God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
