I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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