how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
