Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
