no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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