The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
