Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
