I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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