who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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