i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
