Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
