She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
