I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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