3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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