Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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