i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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