I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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