i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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