The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
