Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you had me at cake vodka
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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