He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
