Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
