is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
