my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
