I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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