Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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